Wednesday , May 22 2024

Funniest English insults | Funny witty insults

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Funniest English insults | Funny witty insults

“I Would Challenge You To a Battle of Wits, But I See You Are Unarmed.”

– Franz Kafka –

“If we put your brain into a bird, it would fly backwards.”

“If you’re talking behind my back, you’re in a good position to kiss my ass!”

“Anyone can make mistakes, but only idiots persist in their errors.”

– Marcus Tullius Cicero –

“If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!”

“I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.”

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?”

“If you’re gonna be two faced… At least try to make one pretty.”

– Marilyn Monro –

“Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.”

“Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.”

“Scientists are trying to figure out how long human can live without a brain. You can tell them your age.”

The fact that I’m silent doesn’t mean I have nothing to say.”

– Jonathan Carroll –

“You’re so much smarter when you don’t speak!”

“I like your approach, now let’s see your departure.”

“My door is always open for you so feel free to leave.”

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

– Chris Rock –

“Fake Nails. Fake Hair. Fake Smile. Are you sure, you weren’t made in China?”

“Where were you when God was giving out common sense?”

“Where did you come from, did someone leave your cage open?”

“If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose yours because I’d want a brain that had never been used.”

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

– Winston Churchill –

“Calling you ugly would be an insult to the ugly people.”

“You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.”

“Hey look! The garbage truck is coming! You better hide!”

“Don’t worry you are not as dumb as you look.”

“You are the reason scientists decided that we descended from apes.”

“I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.”

“There are two people who I trust, the first person is me the other is not you!”

– Nicholas Cage, from Con Air –

“Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?”

“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

“I am sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot.”

“You look so good, when the light’s out.”

“If I say something that offends you, let me know so I can do it again later.”

“You can not help solve my problem. Because you are it.”

“Keep talking behind my back and that’s where you’ll always be.”

“Remember, there are two sides to every story. Kind of like your face.”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

“If you don’t like me, take a map, get a car, drive to hell. Have a nice trip.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it’s still on the list.”

“I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.”

“Somewhere out there is a tree working hard to replace the oxygen you wasted, now go apologize to it.”

“I can remove 90% of your beauty with a wet tissue.”

“Learn from your parents’ mistakes, use birth control.”

“You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn’t match the rest of you.”

“You are proof that God has a sense of humour.”

“Wisdom eventually comes to all of us. Someday it might even be your turn.”

“Is this seat free?”

“Yes. But if you sit down, this seat will also be free.”

“I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.”

“I would slap you but I’m not sure your brain could process the pain.”

“You are living proof that man can live without a brain.”

“If your mind isn’t open, keep your mouth shut too.”

Hope you enjoyed the collection of  Funniest English insults and funny witty insults. Thank you for reading.


  1. I enjoyed reading. Lovely and funny sayings. Lol

  2. cool:) Keep Sharing.

  3. Good 🙂 Keep up the good work.

  4. I truly love your blog… Thanks sharing 🙂

  5. Can I share this post?

  6. Hello and thank you:)